The Balancing Act

When I first found out I was having twins, I had a few fears. Okay let's be honest - I had 9,536,789+ fears. But only a few of them apply to today's post. 1) I was utterly TERRIFIED that I would not be able to tell them apart (this was before I knew they were different genders). 2) I was afraid I would bond with one more than the other. 3) I was afraid I would have a favorite.

I know... now they sound much sillier than they did at the time. When they were first born, Forrest and I discussed some of these fears (obviously no issue with telling them apart.. but the other ones still applied). And truthfully, in the first few days and weeks I think we both felt partial to one of our babies. Ironically, Forrest bonded more quickly with Caroline and I with Charlie. When they were 3 days old in the hospital, the photographers came and took some pictures of them, then showed them to us in a slideshow. When I saw the pictures of Charlie, so tiny and pale with his bright white hair.. I couldn't hold back the tears. And for some reason, Caroline's pictures didn't affect me that way. Don't get me wrong: I loved her immensely. Every bit as much as I loved her brother. But I think from that moment, I knew Charlie was different. Special. And I immediately felt defensive. Like I thought some people might not see him to be as handsome and absolutely perfect as I knew he was. I felt a need to protect him, and I think that's what bonded me so closely to him in that instant.

 

Charlie and Caroline in the hospital - 3 days old

 

Of course later on, I grew equally close to Caroline as I learned her fiesty little personality. And the same with Forrest and Charlie. I love them both more than words can possibly express. Not one more than the other. Equally. 

Now my fears are a little different. I certainly don't have a favorite and I don't worry about that so much anymore. What I do find to be difficult is interacting equally with each child. When they were young and didn't move/play/interact much, our play time was simple. I would lay a blanket down on the ground and read them a story, or sing songs to them, or pull faces at them.. or whatever I did, at both of them. Together. Equal time, same activities. Equal. They would go through little phases where Caroline would be more interactive so she might get more attention, or Charlie would be a little more needy so he would get held more often. But for the most part our activities were done together.

Then, overnight (or so it seems), they grew up. They started crawling and kneeling and jabbering and grabbing and laughing.. I tried to keep things as similar as possible. While one baby played on the ground, I would pick up the other one and play with them. Then I would put them down and do the same activity with the other baby. But I quickly learned that they are different children. They like different things. From the time he was just little, Charlie loved to rough-house. He loved (and still does) to bounce, swing, rock, drop, be thrown, be tickled.. all of those fun things. He laughs more than anyone that I know. On the other hand, Caroline likes to sit back and watch. She does not enjoy bouncing or swinging or being thrown. She likes it when you make funny faces, sing funny songs, dance, or do funny things that she can see. So there goes my plan for doing the same activities with each of them. Instead I've tried to spend equal amounts of time. So however much time I spend swinging/bouncing/throwing/tickling Charlie, I spend singing/dancing/pulling faces at Caroline. Of course they still have days where one needs more attention than the other. But most of the time my plan works great. I love their playtime so much. There's nothing better than making a baby laugh!

 

This video was taken about 3 months ago. It's still one of my favorites of little Charlie's laugh. Enjoy!