How I Survive as a Stay at Home Mom

When we were going through infertility, I resented every single day that I had to go to work. Of course I was grateful that I had a job, but every time I walked out the door and drove to work I wished that I could stay home. Because going to work meant that I didn't have kids to stay home with. 

Now that I have children and I'm able to be home with them, I absolutely love it. It's wonderful and exciting and joyful. But it's also really hard. There are days that I feel stretched beyond what I thought possible (that's most days, actually). Some days I probably shed as many tears, if not more, than the babies. I often want to pull my hair out (particularly during meal times) and scream at the top of my lungs.

Every day is different. But now that the twins are getting a little older I feel like I've settled into a bit of a groove. They have their routine, and I have mine. One of my good friends refers to the things that get her through as her "Diet Coke." So the following are my Diet Cokes.

TV shows - It's not like I sit and spend all day in front of the television. And I have a personal rule that I don't turn on the TV/iPad etc. when the twins are awake. But when they nap, I almost always sit down on the couch with my breakfast/lunch and watch my shows. Some of my favorites are Psych, White Collar, Modern Family, Dancing with the Stars, Duck Dynasty, and Once Upon a TIme (I know.. I can't believe I actually like that show. It's so nerdy! But I love it). After hours of reading stories, rolling around on the ground with the babes, holding and feeding them, watching TV helps me unwind and relax a little.

Setting realistic goals - Right before the twins were born, Forrest and I were talking about his paternity leave (he took 6 weeks) and what he was going to do while he was off of work. He rattled off a lengthy list of all the things he planned to do each day. After Charlie and Caroline came we both quickly realized how unrealistic that was. Some days it just seems impossible to do anything but survive. I hated feeling like I didn't do a single thing all day long (even though I know that taking care of two babies is actually doing a lot), so I set a goal for myself to do one thing a day. Whether that one thing is laundry, cleaning the bathroom, taking out the trash, or vacuuming, I still try to stick to that. Some days I get a lot more than one thing done. Other days I struggle to even do that one thing. But setting a reasonable goal for myself everyday helps me to feel accomplished and boosts my self-esteem.

Getting dressed - I know this seems really silly. But there seriously are days (a lot more than I would like to admit) when I don't ever change out of my pajamas. And if I don't change out of my pajamas, I probably haven't brushed my hair or teeth either. Getting dressed and then going through my morning routine of doing my hair, brushing my teeth, and putting on makeup (even if I do all this quickly) makes me feel a lot better about myself. Then I don't go through a panic when someone unexpectedly knocks on the door, because I'm presentable. Much better that way.

Exercising - This one is really important for me, because exercise is something I really enjoy. It makes me feel like a normal person. It was really hard for a few months because Forrest would work so late that I couldn't exercise in the evenings, and I was too tired (I prefer not to think of it as lazy) to wake up and run before he left in the mornings. And it was far too cold to take the kids outside for a walk. But now I am able to go much more frequently. I get together with a few friends and go running on Wednesday evenings after the kids are in bed. I can't tell you how wonderful it is to get out of the house, have some girl time, and get some exercise.

Doing things - Like getting dressed, this seems silly too. But seriously. It is so easy to just stay home and do nothing, because it's far easier when the twins can nap in their beds, I don't have to pack up any food etc. But going out makes a huge difference in my sanity. Sometimes I take trips to the grocery store even if I don't really need anything just because I need to get out of the house. Now that it's warming up I try to take the kids on walks and outside to sit in the courtyard and play with the neighbor kids. Sometimes I even go out and sit in the sun when they're napping, just because I need to be outside! And going to family events, friends houses etc. is so helpful too. Even when it's not convenient, I try to make it work. I need to stay sane.

Serving others - Whether it's something simple like getting up early to make Forrest's lunch, or making dinner for a friend who just had a baby, forgetting myself and doing something for someone else is wonderful. It's easy to think that I'm too busy, that my hands are too full, that I don't have time to do service. But finding even small ways to serve makes a big difference in my happiness. 

Blogging - Seriously, it helps me so much just to be able to write down my thoughts and emotions. It helps me sort through what I'm feeling, and it makes me feel good when others enjoy reading what I write. 

I'm sure as time passes I will find other things to add to my list. But for now, these things really help me love my new job as a full time mom! I love the term "play at home mom." That's what I feel like I do, I play at home with my beautiful children. And it's wonderful! 

The Balancing Act

When I first found out I was having twins, I had a few fears. Okay let's be honest - I had 9,536,789+ fears. But only a few of them apply to today's post. 1) I was utterly TERRIFIED that I would not be able to tell them apart (this was before I knew they were different genders). 2) I was afraid I would bond with one more than the other. 3) I was afraid I would have a favorite.

I know... now they sound much sillier than they did at the time. When they were first born, Forrest and I discussed some of these fears (obviously no issue with telling them apart.. but the other ones still applied). And truthfully, in the first few days and weeks I think we both felt partial to one of our babies. Ironically, Forrest bonded more quickly with Caroline and I with Charlie. When they were 3 days old in the hospital, the photographers came and took some pictures of them, then showed them to us in a slideshow. When I saw the pictures of Charlie, so tiny and pale with his bright white hair.. I couldn't hold back the tears. And for some reason, Caroline's pictures didn't affect me that way. Don't get me wrong: I loved her immensely. Every bit as much as I loved her brother. But I think from that moment, I knew Charlie was different. Special. And I immediately felt defensive. Like I thought some people might not see him to be as handsome and absolutely perfect as I knew he was. I felt a need to protect him, and I think that's what bonded me so closely to him in that instant.

 

Charlie and Caroline in the hospital - 3 days old

 

Of course later on, I grew equally close to Caroline as I learned her fiesty little personality. And the same with Forrest and Charlie. I love them both more than words can possibly express. Not one more than the other. Equally. 

Now my fears are a little different. I certainly don't have a favorite and I don't worry about that so much anymore. What I do find to be difficult is interacting equally with each child. When they were young and didn't move/play/interact much, our play time was simple. I would lay a blanket down on the ground and read them a story, or sing songs to them, or pull faces at them.. or whatever I did, at both of them. Together. Equal time, same activities. Equal. They would go through little phases where Caroline would be more interactive so she might get more attention, or Charlie would be a little more needy so he would get held more often. But for the most part our activities were done together.

Then, overnight (or so it seems), they grew up. They started crawling and kneeling and jabbering and grabbing and laughing.. I tried to keep things as similar as possible. While one baby played on the ground, I would pick up the other one and play with them. Then I would put them down and do the same activity with the other baby. But I quickly learned that they are different children. They like different things. From the time he was just little, Charlie loved to rough-house. He loved (and still does) to bounce, swing, rock, drop, be thrown, be tickled.. all of those fun things. He laughs more than anyone that I know. On the other hand, Caroline likes to sit back and watch. She does not enjoy bouncing or swinging or being thrown. She likes it when you make funny faces, sing funny songs, dance, or do funny things that she can see. So there goes my plan for doing the same activities with each of them. Instead I've tried to spend equal amounts of time. So however much time I spend swinging/bouncing/throwing/tickling Charlie, I spend singing/dancing/pulling faces at Caroline. Of course they still have days where one needs more attention than the other. But most of the time my plan works great. I love their playtime so much. There's nothing better than making a baby laugh!

 

This video was taken about 3 months ago. It's still one of my favorites of little Charlie's laugh. Enjoy!