Parenting Intentionally

Recently, my husband and I read this fantastic article (followed by this one) about how to create a positive family culture. It was a fantastic read and it really got us thinking about what we are teaching our kids, and whether it's intentional or not.

So while we were on a long road trip with the kids snoozing in the back of the van, we started discussing what we want our family culture to be like: what we want our priorities to be, what our expectations are, and what kind of people we want us (and our kids) to be. We talked for a long time and filled a page with ideas. We wrote down words like adventure, harmony, traditions, education, dreams and love. We talked about families we looked up to and specific things the did that we wanted to incorporate in our own family. We wrote down our ideas for family activities that could foster the type of culture we'd been talking about building. And then we took a big look at our list and tried to pick out the most important things. Eventually I'm hoping to take those main ideas and turn them into a functional family mission statement. But for now, at least we have a start.

Even though our mission statement is not complete, we've made some changes to our daily life because of the things we talked about. For example, one of the things we talked about wanting to be part of our family culture was physical activity. It's always been important to Forrest and I, and we want to pass our love of sports/fitness/outdoor activity to our kids. I do a lot of playing with the kids at home, wrestling, swimming, riding bikes etc. but Forrest is often at work when we do those kinds of activities. Then he would get home from work at 6, we'd eat dinner, give the kids a bath and then put them in bed. There wasn't much time for "family activities" in the evenings. However, our kids (Charlie and Caroline, to be more specific) lately have been beasts to get to sleep. We lay them down at their normal bedtime (around 7:30) and then sit and wait and tell them to get back in bed a million times until they finally fall asleep around 9 and we are exhausted and frustrated. So after our discussion and list-making exercise, we made an executive decision: after dinner, we have family activity time for an hour or two before bed. Now when Forrest gets home from work we eat dinner and then ride bikes, or go to the park, or go swimming, or go on a walk, or play outside with a ball. And then the kids go to bed at 9, completely exhausted and they fall right to sleep. No fight. No frustrated parents. And we got to spend time together as a family, doing things with our kids that are important to us.

The idea of parenting intentionally has changed the way I look at our day. The way I look at our activities, priorities and pastimes. I've gone from just surviving (which is how I often used to describe life with 3 kids under the age of 3) to doing things on purpose. I feel like a better parent because I'm thinking about what I want to teach my children ahead of time, and then when I find myself in a challenging situation I find I'm better able to react in a positive way. It's important for me to teach my children responsibility. So when they messes (many of you saw Charlie's otter pop mess in the bathroom the other day), I make more of an effort to have them help me clean it up, even when it would be way easier and faster for me to clean it up myself. (In that instance, I locked all 4 of us in the bathroom with a bag of baby wipes and gave each of the kids a wipe and told them to scrub the floors and walls until their wipe was dirty, then I gave them a new one. It took us a while, but the kids cleaned it all up.) I've also started giving my kids more chores. They LOVE helping with the laundry, washing dishes, unloading the dishwasher, etc. but for a while I just did it myself because it was easier and cleaner. Now they are responsible for putting their dishes into the dishwasher after meals (I have to be careful with this one because Charlie sometimes gets confused and throws his dishes away haha), loading and unloading the washer and dryer, putting their clothes away after I fold them, washing dishes, vacuuming and sweeping the floors. That's not to say that I never vacuum, sweep, or do laundry or dishes anymore. Most of the time when they are doing those chores, I'm helping them. But I try to make it clear that it's their responsibility and mommy is just helping.

I know we still have a lot of work to do. I imagine we'll be redefining our ideal family culture pretty regularly over the coming years. But for now, I can see the changes we've made starting to take effect. The kids LOVE family activity time, and every night at dinner they ask what family 'tivity we get to do that night. I've also noticed that now when they make a mess, they are instantly searching for a towel to wipe it up. And I'm taking that as a win!

Have any of you created a family mission statement? If so, I'd love to hear it!

Our Favorite Things

Sometimes I feel like I get in a major rut when it comes to entertaining and feeding my children. Like we do the same things over and over. So I've been trying to switch it up a bit! The twins' preferences change just about as often as mine do (which is a lot), but for now, here are a few of our favorite things!

Toys: 

 

I wish I could remember what website I got this idea from, but I can't. I went to my dad's work and picked up two cardboard tubes of different sizes, and then taped them to diaper boxes stacked on top of each other. In the bottom of the bottom box there are a bunch of books so it will stay in place. Charlie and Caroline LOVE this toy! And it was free. They stand there for 10 minutes at a time (which is a really long time for a 15 month old!) and drop toys down the different tubes and get quite a thrill out of watching them come out the other end. Originally I only had the bottom box/tube combo, but now that they are a little older I added the top one and they think it's great looking at different toys to try and determine which tube they will fit down (the top tube is about half the size of the bottom one). It's been a great toy/learning station for my littles, and I think it will be especially great heading into the winter months!

Anything with wheels! Caroline is obsessed with sitting/riding on things with wheels, and Charlie is fascinated by flipping the item over and playing with the wheels himself. I am sad about winter coming for this one reason alone! There are so many bikes and scooters etc out in the courtyard that they love to play with! 

This toybox (I got it at Ikea for under $10 I think) has been the source of lots and lots of enjoyment! They love climbing inside, tipping it over, throwing the toys in and out etc. 

Activities:

Helping me "fold" laundry is a favorite of theirs! Charlie loves to sit in the laundry basket while I pull the warm clothes out of the dryer, and they love to help me sort the colored socks from the white socks. 

Charlie and Caroline love doing "chores." Their favorite is throwing the diapers away, but they also are responsible for putting their clothes in the laundry basket, cleaning up their tubby toys at the end of the bath, and wiping off their high chair trays after a meal. 

This basket in the living room used to be filled with baby blankets, but we recently made a switch to something a little more practical and fun: balls! We have a ton of them (mostly small soccer balls) and they love them all. A favorite activity is dumping all the balls out and then throwing them back in one at a time. We are still at the point where the basket is right next to them when they "throw" the balls in, but we're trying to move it farther away a little bit at a time. 

We can't forget climbing! That's quite possibly their favorite activity. Every once in a while we take the cushions off the couch and line them up to make a "balance beam". The littles think it's hilarious to try and walk on it because it's so squishy and wobbly so they always fall right off. Other times we drag the chair into the middle of the floor so they can climb all over it and won't hit anything when they fall off (if there was only one of them climbing on it, falling probably wouldn't be an issue.. but with 2 it definitely is!). Sometimes we pull out all the pillows, cushions, crib mattresses etc and make a climbing obstacle course in the living room. They think it's pretty fun, and considering how much of a mess they usually make when they play, it's not too bad of a clean up.

And I don't have a picture, but another favorite activity is reading. They've always liked being read to, but especially in the last few weeks they really LOVE picking out a book, sitting down on our laps and looking at pictures over and over and over. Caroline isn't shy about it - she picks out a book, throws it at one of us, turns around and backs up and plops her little bum right down on a lap and wiggles herself back until she's wedged in tight. Charlie is a little more hesitant. He picks out a book and shows it to me but won't come sit on my lap unless I pick him up and put him there. But once he's there, he grabbes my hand and sticks the book right in it to read. I love it :)

Food:

I don't make separate meals for the littles. They just eat whatever I eat, chopped up small enough that they can eat it. They'll eat most anything, but these are a few of their favorites:

-steamed squash

-kidney beans

-toast

-frozen blueberries

-raisins

-tilapia

-apples and peanut butter

-shredded wheat

-oatmeal

-yogurt

-string cheese

-mandarin oranges

-olives

I could keep going for a long time but I won't bore you with every single thing they eat. I hear most kids go through a pick stage when they get closer to age 2, so I'm trying to enjoy them being fantastic eaters while they can, and crossing my fingers that we won't go through that picky stage!

MY favorite things:

And now a short list of my favorites.

-during the twins' afternoon nap, I really enjoy cooking and prepping dinner, baking, cleaning the kitchen etc. (I'm being serious, I really do enjoy it!). I take the iPad and turn on Netflix and cook away. Then I can enjoy watching TV but don't feel guilty about sitting on the couch all afternoon wasting time. 

-reading. Right now I'm in the middle of Outliers and It is fascinating! I don't get much time to read, so I've been reading this book for months.. but even if it takes me forever to get through it, I still love it!

-yoga. I didn't get to work out at all while I was pregnant with the twins so this is new for me. Earlier in my pregnancy I did a lot more cardio work, but it's become much more difficult for me to do that now. But yoga is the perfect balance of exercise and relaxation. I LOVE IT! And I do it at home in my living room while the twins are napping, so I don't have to pay for a gym membership or worry about finding someone to watch the twins.

These are a few of our favorite things. What are some of yours?