Juliet

Last Tuesday, I was 39 weeks and 1 day pregnant. Once again I felt like a whale, but in comparing pictures of me then vs. when I was 38 weeks with the twins, I literally think I was about half the size this time around. That morning I woke up, disappointed that I was still pregnant. Like so many of the nights before, I'd woken up in the middle of the night with a few strong and steady contractions, only to fall back asleep and wake up contraction-free. I had an appointment with my midwife that day, where the plan was to sweep my membranes and hopefully bring on labor.

I didn't think I'd be in any hurry. When I first found out I was pregnant, I was ready to have the baby stay inside of me as long as possible. Because every day the baby was inside of me meant that Charlie and Caroline would be one day older. And hopefully one day easier to care for. But then 38 and 39 weeks rolled along and I was beyond ready to not be a whale anymore. I longed to be able to roll around on the floor and rough house with my kids like I used to. And I desperately wanted to meet my baby. To know if the little tenant in my tummy was a boy or a girl, and to know whether he or she would be another white haired beauty or not.

And then there was this military training. A few days before, Forrest and I found out that he had a required military training at Camp Williams on March 6, 7 and 8. He would be gone day and night for those three days. And I was due March 9. I was absolutely terrified that I would go into labor while he was away and out of reach. So Forrest and I talked about it and decided that we would talk to my midwife about breaking my water early in the week, before his training so that there would be no chance of him missing the birth of our sweet little one.

So back to Tuesday. I woke up that morning and got myself and the twins ready for the day. Forrest went off to work. I drove to Salt Lake and dropped the kids off at a friend's house, then went in to my appointment. The midwife came in and swept my membranes (it hurt - I didn't expect it to hurt), then we began discussing my concerns and our options. She called over to the hospital and found an opening for me to go in for an induction the next day, Wednesday, March 4.

I didn't want to be induced. I had been having a fair amount of contractions and was reasonably dilated already, so breaking my water wasn't a big deal, but I still didn't want to have to be induced. I had decided I wanted a natural, un-medicated birth, and I hear inductions usually make that a little more difficult. But given the time constraints and my overwhelming desire to have Forrest present at the birth, I nervously agreed to be scheduled for Wednesday morning.

It's a strange thing, knowing what day your baby will arrive. Knowing that that day was our last as a little family of four. Knowing that my next few hours with the twins before I put them down to sleep would be my last with them as my only children. After I picked them up from my friend's house, I didn't just want to go home. I wanted to make some memories and have fun with my sweet Charlie and Caroline. So we went to a mall and walked around for a while and got a Jamba Juice.

Forrest met us at home where we bundled the kids up in their snowsuits for the first (and probably only) time this winter and went outside to play in the snow. They thought it was wonderful and so did I. Then we went and picked up some dinner, ate at home together, gave the twins a bath and kissed them goodnight. With my pregnancy hormones at their peak I cried and cried, knowing that the next day they wouldn't be my little babies anymore. Of course they will always be my babies, but I hate knowing how fast they will have to grow up now.

You know when you have something important the next day and you know you need to sleep, but you just can't? That was one of those nights. Forrest and I talked, watched TV, added some last minute things to our hospital bags, and went to bed well after midnight. And we were to check-in at the hospital at 9 AM. The next morning my mother-in-law came over to take care of the twins and we drove to the hospital.

Checked in at 9:30. Water broken at noon. Contractions started almost immediately. Then slowed. We walked, and walked, and walked. My mom came. Then my dad came. And my mother-in-law came. Forrest was there, and my nurse was there, and my midwife was there. I spent hours walking the halls with Forrest, pausing every 2-3 minutes to breathe through a contraction. I spent hours on a birthing ball, rolling my hips in a figure 8. All the while I was feeling pretty strong. I was hungry, yes, and tired, yes, but I was able to talk and laugh and join in conversations. And at every check, it was apparent that I was progressing pretty slowly. Finally around 8 PM, we decided to start some Pitocin to help increase the frequency of the contractions. After that, I wasn't much for conversation. I vaguely remember what was going on around me, but all I could do was breath and groan from the pain of the contractions and try to remember the end product.

My midwife was amazing. She was perfect and even though I hated it at the time, she knew exactly what to do to help me get closer to delivering. Sometime around 10 PM, she had me kneel up on the bed. It was completely agonizing and after only a few contractions of that, I remember yelling out that I needed to push. After some changing of position and a little confusion (at least it was confusing to me - the pain made everything so hazy), she checked me and told me I could start pushing. The time was finally here. It was nearly 10:30 PM and I had been in labor for over 10 hours.

And I thought the pain of the contractions was bad. Pushing was completely unbearable. I can't even describe the pain. It was like every fiber of my body was on fire. And I honestly and truly felt like I wanted to die. I remember telling Forrest that and he just smiled and said "no, you don't." And then suddenly, after 6 minutes, the pain was completely gone and there was a perfect little dark haired miracle laying on my chest. Forrest took a look and called out "It's a girl!" and we were all thrilled. We knew right away we would call her Juliet. Juliet Rose. She is the most perfect thing I've ever seen, just like her brother and sister.

Her birth was without a doubt the most difficult thing I've ever done. I have gained a whole new level of respect for anyone who has ever gone through that. I don't know if I will do it again, but it was a beautiful experience and I'm so glad to have gone through it.

Now that she's here, life is a whole new level of crazy. Today I sat in a chair nursing baby J. I was holding her with one arm, using that elbow to shield her head from the toys Charlie kept bring to put in my lap, and holding Caroline on my lap to read her a story with my other arm. The twins love her so much, but they are still learning how to control their impulses. They constantly want to touch her nose and poke her eyes and kiss her head. Caroline is obsessed with sharing things with Juliet - particularly her food. I can't put her anywhere close to the ground when the twinados are awake, but it is a wonderful kind of crazy and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

As for me, I feel fantastic. The recovery from a natural child birth has been a breeze compared to recovering after the twins. I am looking forward to being able to run again, hopefully soon. And life is good. So, so good.

Surreal

Today marks 10 weeks since I drove my husband to an Army base, kissed him goodbye and drove away in tears. In those 10 weeks we have talked on the phone five times. Two of those phone calls lasted less than a minute, the other three were 20-30 minutes of bliss. I've recieved 20 letters, some short and some long. I've sent 100 pictures of Charlie and Caroline, and showed videos to them of their daddy every single day so they don't forget him.

Later today I will board an airplane that will take me to Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri, where tomorrow I will get to hug and kiss my husband again. The only word I can think to describe it is "surreal." I can't believe the time has passed. I can't believe we all survived. I can't believe that he will be back home with us so soon and that we can have meals together like a normal family. I can hardly contain my excitement, and I can hardly believe it is all happening.

Everyone says the time flew by for them. And you know, sometimes it did for me too. There were days that seemed a lot longer and harder than others. But in general, the days went by fairly quickly. But when I look back at what life was like 10 weeks ago, it makes it seem like a really long time. Charlie and Caroline hadn't even turned 1 yet. We celebrated their birthday a week early so Forrest could be there. Now they are 14 months old. Caroline wasn't walking yet. Now she is practically running. The babes couldn't talk much, and now they jabber non-stop (with a lot of real words included!). I was only 10 weeks pregnant when he left. Now I am half-way there. When I think about it in those terms, it does seem like he's been gone forever.

But we survived, and the long weeks of waiting are over. I am so looking forward to having him home with me again. I'm just trying not to think about Spring-time when he leaves for the next 10 weeks training, because we'll have three kids then, icluding a newborn. Here's to focusing on the time that he IS here, and not the time that he's not. Wish me luck!

Absent

It's been a slightly crazy summer, to say the least. And I feel like I've been totally absent from my normal life - whatever "normal" is. A few weeks ago Forrest was sent to California on a work assignment for three weeks. So I spent most of that time at my mom's house. It's just easier that way. And since he got home it's been a whirlwind of "do this" "go here" and "run there." It's all been fun and wonderful, just crazy. 

Last week Forrest joined the National Guard. It's a decision we've thought about and prayed about for quite a while, and it just felt like the right thing to do. Do I like it? No, not particularly. I don't think any wife, mother, sister etc. can say she's ever really excited about a man joining the military. But it feels right, and that's nice. It's also good to see Forrest excited about something. He doesn't love his job, and that wears on him a lot. But he does love the military. He's always been so fascinated by it, so I am happy for him that he is getting to do something he will enjoy (hopefully). There are good things about the military - benefits, extra pay etc. But there is one part I am dreading, and it's only about three weeks away: Basic Training. He leaves August 5, just days before our 6th wedding anniversary and the twins' 1st birthday. And he'll be gone until mid-October. :/ Eek! What am I going to do in his absence?

I honestly have no idea. As much as I'd love to, I can't just abandon my life in Salt Lake and move to my mom's. The twins sleep SOOO much better in their own beds. And we have therapy and doctor appointments and bills and things that I just need to be here to do. But I don't want to be alone for that long either. I just keep telling myself I'll take it one day at a time until the 70 days are up. 70. That's not too bad, right? 

In other news, we just got back from our first camping trip with the twins. We went to Idaho Falls with the Whiting family and we had a total blast. I think we a little bit cheated on the "camping" part because we stayed in cabins, had bathrooms and showers, and ate out for a few of our meals.. but we were surrounded by dirt, we roasted hot dogs and s'mores, and I didn't wear makeup or do my hair. So we'll call it camping. The babes did really well, considering that it was 1,000 degrees and they didn't get to nap much. They loved to play in the dirt, crawl around the cabin, and eat everything they could find off the ground. Charlie even got his first taste of dead moth, yummm! (I know - I'm still completely disgusted by it). And Caroline took her first step! It was adorable and I know they're both getting so close to walking, but I am in no hurry. I'm sure parts of walking twins are easier - but all I can think is that I'm going to have to be the leash mom. And I don't want to be the leash mom. I'm trying to gear myself up for the havoc they will wreck once they figure out how to walk and then run. Heaven help me. 

We had a few other "firsts" on our camping trip. Caroline learned how to bark like a dog. Now she thinks every animal (real or fake) is a dog, so she barks anytime she sees one. Half of the time I think she thinks peple are animals because she barks at them too. It's the cutest thing ever. Charlie got to ride on his first roller coaster (he sat on my lap on a little one at Bear World) and he thought it was the best thing ever. He had a major perma-grin and he cried when we got off. 

We took both babes on a little train ride and they were completely thrilled. And they LOVED the petting zoo. Caroline liked to watch the animals from a distance, but Charlie wanted to hold them and eat them and grab them.

He got to pet a deer and he couldn't get enough. He laughed right out loud when the deer licked him feet and arms. It had fuzzy antlers and he loved to pet them. We had a blast!

We also decided it was time to get convertible car seats. Char and Care are so tall that they've outgrown the height limit on their infant car seats. It took us a while to make them fit rear-facing, because they are giant, but we finally got them secured. And I think the babes like them!

We weaned Caroline from her pacifier last week and she actually handled it very well. It's nice to not have to worry about taking one with us everywhere we go, and trying to keep them clean. That dolly she is holding has taken the place of her pacifier. She LOVES it! Her Aunt Sara gave it to her and she hugs it and kisses it and sleeps with it and takes it with her everywhere she goes. It's fun to see her get that excited over a toy!

This is one of their favorite places to play in our home. They were beyond excited to be back in their own house and be able to crawl freely without having to worry about getting stickers in their hands and knees. Our vacation was a blast, but it is always nice to be home again. I'm ready for things to be normal again - at least for the next three weeks!