There's nothing wrong with being different

I took the twins in for their 6 months checkup a few days ago. Our pediatrician, who I really like, did all the normal stuff, asked all the normal questions and talked about normal development. The he started talking about his concerns with Charlie, making sure we're getting him in to see the appropriate specialists etc. He handed me a card of a woman who works in their office and handles all of the special needs cases. The minute he said that, my heart sank. I'd never thought of my son as being "special needs" before. It took me a few minutes to process that. 

After the appointment I was reflecting, trying to sort through my thoughts and feelings and wondering why I had reacted negatively to those words. Because the truth is, I've spent years working with and associating with special needs individuals. And I've loved every minute of it. My friends and students with special needs are some of the kindest, funniest, most loving people I've ever known. I had just never expected that one of my children would be among them. 

It really made me do some deep pondering. And then I realized why I had been bothered by that terminology. Because society has given "special needs" a negative stigma. As if there's something wrong with having needs beyond your own abilities. Like it's a bad thing. Just because they are different from us. Some people don't know how to act around those who are different. Really, they just want to be treated the same as everybody else. And that's what I want too.

I want Charlie to live as normal a life as possible. And I believe he's capable of doing everything that his sister is, and anything else he wants to do. I cringe when people stare at him at the grocery store. Or give me the questioning look that I assume means "why in the world is your child wearing sunglasses inside?". Or even when the doctor kindly gives him a stick but puts it right in his hand instead of letting him reach for it, like he did with Caroline. Inside I'm screaming "He can see it! He ca grab it in his own. Just give him the chance to try!" And I know most people are very well meaning. Like I said, I really like our pediatrician. He has been so kind and good with Charlie and I know he is very concerned for his well-being.

But people just don't know. Often we don't think before we speak or act, and it ends up hurting others. Having special needs is not a bad thing. It just means that some people need to do things a little differently than others. They might think and communicate differently. They might express their emotions differently than we do. But they're still people. And they still deserve to be treated with love and respect; not ignored, feared, teased or coddled. Wherever possible, they need to be given the same opportunities as those around them.

That's hard to do. It's something I am trying to improve on. It's so easy to just hand Charlie a toy when he's having difficulty finding something to play with. It's awful to watch your child struggle, and as parents it's natural to want to make things as easy as possible for him. But easy is not always best.

I realize that if I want others to treat him the same as they treat others, it starts with me. I'm still learning how do deal with Charlie's special needs. Heck, I'm still coping with the fact that he even has special needs. But now I can say those words and not be sad about it. Because there's nothing wrong with being different! When it comes to race, culture and religion we celebrate our differences. Well today and every day I'm celebrating the fact that Charlie is different. And I wouldn't trade him for anything.